Why I come Unglued

Before you start to think that this post will be a running list of the reasons why I come unglued (thanks to the title)— think again.  Instead, I would like to share some real-life, nitty-gritty application, so here goes…

I was angry.  I had let my frustrations build up inside of me to such a degree that I erupted in the ugly cry— you know, that awkward moment when you just can’t get a grip on your tears because things have just completely unraveled beyond your control.  Well, that’s where I was that day, and it was all in front of someone I looked up to and considered a valued mentor.  To say that I was embarrassed would be an understatement.  To make matters worse, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, letting me know that my emotions had gotten the best of me and that this time I had gone too far.

My friend and mentor was kind enough to sit down in front of me and calmly help me rationalize what I was feeling.  We talked for about an hour, working through why I had responded in such a way and what we could do to move beyond the anger.  I left our conversation completely exhausted, and the tearstains were still there as evidence of my meltdown.  I had come completely unglued. 

And then there was the day when I was confronted for something I didn’t do.  I was confused about the blame cast my way, so I stood there dumbfounded while I was accused of something that came as a complete surprise to me.  When I was asked to explain my actions, I found I was so frustrated by the injustice of it all that I simply backed away.  I mumbled something about having a lot to do, and I walked away from the confrontation. 

At first I thought I had done the right thing by walking away and avoiding the conflict, but I quickly realized that I had hurt the other person by fleeing the scene.  I later apologized for any disrespect that I might have communicated, and although the relationship patch-up wasn’t perfect, I did my best to smooth things over.  In that moment, I was seeking to take the shattered pieces of our relationship and glue them back together, but sadly, we never regained a stable connection.  I became unglued, and it cost me in the long run. 

As I read Lysa’s book, both of these circumstances came to mind, and I realized that I mainly became unglued because of three core reasons: anger, fear, and loss of control.  With each encounter, I took a situation that was out of my control and lashed out in a response that was just as out of control as the circumstance.  Lysa’s book asked me to consider the opposite truth; I love the way she articulated the following: “I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control” (23).  Wow, what an incredible but simple truth!

As I considered the situations I have just recounted, I came to realize that I have a great deal to learn about how I respond to situations that are outside of my control.  I find that when I am no longer in control, I become fearful and it’s hard for me not to panic.  Next week, I’ll talk more about panic versus perspective, but until then, consider why you might come unglued.  Consider how you might work past those out-of-control moments and find that God is the One who is in control.