Each year as the hectic but also joyful Christmas season comes to an end, I find myself a bit saddened. Suddenly, the schedule is no longer so tight and there isn’t much to do. For someone like me who is driven and constantly moving toward some goal, the month of January often seems rather bleak.
On Christmas Day this year, I came down with the flu, and I spent the next ten days or so feeling under the weather. My unscheduled time alone gave me a lot of time to think— I’m finding way too much time to think. I began to contemplate my future, and I found the unknown rather terrifying. The fear and realization that I was very much alone in my little apartment came crashing in on me, and full-on depression set in.
I spent the next few days just trying to feel motivated to do something. But there were no events planned, nothing pressing on my work schedule, and I just felt empty and without purpose. It wasn’t until I met with some friends on a recent Sunday evening that I came to the root of what was truly at the center of this “junk” I was dealing with. It all came down to trust; I simply wasn’t trusting God with my future enough to live my life without an overwhelming sense of fear and despair.
As I have shared in my recent posts, my church family and I have been walking through a book called The Story. I have been blogging through this journey over the past few months, and this week, I was scheduled to talk about Saul and the people of Israel and how they had begged God for a king to lead them. I found I related to the story, for often I just want to be led by someone. Often, I am the leader of the Bible study, the leader of the music team, the leader of the organization. I just wanted to sit back and let someone else lead for a change.
That’s when I focused on a key concept: I was being led. God was and is my Leader, and He has and will continue to do amazing things in my life. I’m thinking of the time in Exodus 14 when God had Moses part the Red Sea so the Israelites could escape the advancing Egyptians. The Israelites walked across the sea on dry ground with a wall of water on each side. Wow! Talk about incredible deliverance! And then as the Egyptians moved to pursue the Israelites, the sea closed over them and they perished.
My thought as I was reminded of this story related to my faith, or rather, lack of faith. Why I am so terrified of the future? Why do I feel so alone? God is always with me and He is mighty to save! Sometimes, I get so frustrated with myself for not trusting my Best Friend. He knows what is best for me, and I need to hold on to His hand no matter what life throws my way.
I am reminded of Exodus 14:15-19 as I close, and I feel as if God could easily be speaking these words to me as well as to Moses: “15 Then the LORD said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. 16 Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. 17 I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them. And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. 18 The Egyptians will know that I am the LORD when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.”
God did gain glory that day and everyone was assured that He was God. He told the Israelites to move on that day in faith, and that is exactly what I intend to do in the new year. It will be a day-by-day journey that will surely have its set-backs, but I will take it step-by-step.
2 thoughts on “Moving on”
Hey Cassie, I don’t physically live with you dear Cassie but YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, Please know that! I am here whenever you need me, just a phone call away! Brookie,as we called her when she was little and still do somedays:)!, noticed you were a little down last night so we want you to know this, WE ARE HERE AND WE LOVE YA!! Your Mama Dori and Family
Hello, Mama Dori!
Thank you for your love and support. I am much better this morning, thanks in large part to our conversation yesterday and the conversation at THE GATHERING. I am working through this phase a day at a time, and I’m sure this will only be a blip on the radar. Thank you again for being a Godly friend and motherly figure in my life.